So Friday night/Saturday morning a friend of mine got his foot run over by a car. His fault, I'm quite certain of it. He probably walked out in front of a car.

anyway I was out with him and some of his mates for his mate's birthday. I didn't want the guy who's birthday it was to ruin his night, so I offered to go with my friend to hospital.

I was there between 1am - 7:30am.

Because he was a fucking fool and drank too much, he was too drunk to get an x ray so they put him in a cubicle to wait for him to sober up. They had him sitting on a chair. He would move every now and then, so every time his foot fell off the chair it was propped on, I'd get up and put it back.

Then he pissed himself because he was passed out so they put him in a bed. During this time (all while passed out) he spat on me, swore at me and hit me. During this time (with absolutely no sleep), I made sure that the blanket covered him when he rolled over (seeing as though he was wearing nothing underneath), and comforted him when he (still passed out) seemed to be upset. Mind you I also pulled his hair and pinched him for a lot of the time trying to wake him up.

I went for a walk at some stage in the night, very upset. Was walking with some guy who said he had cancer (i'm not saying I don't believe him, it just wasn't a concern of mine at the time), and I was sobbing my eyes out. Went into the convenience store and bought something to eat and drink, still crying and generally not caring about that.

Anyway, later that guy came back to the hospital, escorted by the police, yelling and gesturing at me. Smart fucking decision there Rachel.

Eventually at about 7am he came to, still drunk and very disorientated. He got taken off for an x-ray. Upon returning he started demanding he have a cigarette, and I started getting pissed off asking him to bloody wait until they at least organised a wheelchair. I hadn't waited that long for him to just get up and walk on his foot and screw it up.

So we went outside, and some people who I'd been chatting over the night whilst out having a smoke or just some fresh air, gave me a coffee which TOTALLY brightened me up. I gave it to my friend to hold while I tied my hair back, and he drank it.

I started getting really upset, and he finally noticed and kept trying to get up to hug me, while I was asking him over and over again to do just ONE thing for me, which was to stay fucking sitting down. again I hadn't spent all that time in hospital with him for him to fuck his foot up the second he woke up.

one of the nurses walked past and said she was going to do another x-ray when she was back from breakfast, and he had the fucking nerve to ask her to buy him breakfast. She, being lovely and professional, said no in a nice way. And he kept demanding it, while I just got angrier and angrier, almost pulling out my hair in rage.

We went to go back inside for his xray and he was rude to another staff member who was so offended by him (and rightly so) that she refused to let him back him and told him that he could wait in the waiting room and they'd try and get back to him when possible.

He started getting ruder and ruder, and I just left.

After all that time, he didn't care at all about what anyone had done to that point for him.

So apparently after he left, he went out drink (at like 8am in the morning) - still in his hospital gown. And went drinking all that day and all that night. We talked a couple of times over the day and not ONCE did he understand why I was upset. He even had the goddamn fucking nerve to ask if he could come to the 21st I was going to that night...

I ended up being too tired and depressed to go anywhere, so I stayed home that night as it was.

He finally understood on Sunday. To some extent. Not sure if he really gets it.



so on Sunday I met up with my ex, who is the only person who really gets what is happening with my father, only for him to tell me he can't be friends with me any more because he's still in love with me and it hurts too much.



and then tonight (Monday) i find out from my mum that Dad has gotten a lot worse - has lost strength in his arms and is worried about going to New Zealand (they leave this Wednesday) and that he won't be working much longer.


I don't understand how everything can keep fucking up like this. Honestly, I've had one thing go really well for me this year so far and that is the new job. Otherwise, everything keeps fucking up. I've had friends betray me and say horrible things behind my back (for no reason) sabotaging some relationships I have with people, friend's having loved one's become really sick or dying, people turning on me.

Not going to waste my time listing this shit because I'm not 'oh woe is me'.

I just don't know how to keep being strong when everything keeps going to shit. I am so fucking strong, but I really can't keep being strong much longer at all. I goddamn went out on a limb for this friend only for it to be thrown in my face.